I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize