I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
