U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How external is "for external use only"?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
