so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
