awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Too much gin, very little bucket
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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