i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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