Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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