it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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