If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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