Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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