Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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