i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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