this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am mentally ready for anal.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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