you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
