She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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