Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
