I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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