in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
