I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
