that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
