a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
