Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize