The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
