You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
