Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
