covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
