Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
