According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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