Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
