I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
