And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i think im in europe. pls send help
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
