Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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