What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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