I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
