On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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