I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
