drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
