Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
