he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
