At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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