...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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