bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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