I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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