I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
