The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
