I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
