Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
