wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
