Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
