all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Someone signed my nipple.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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