He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
