I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
