remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I die, sorry about rent.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
