oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
