Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
