it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
