i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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