I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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