Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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