I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize