On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
