a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
