I think I died a long time ago.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
