He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
