so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
