I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize