your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
