just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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