just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
