Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
