apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
